I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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