last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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