I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
