She said her name was "party"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just blew my weed a kiss
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
