Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
