dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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