when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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