I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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