dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
