Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
