once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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