If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
