LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
