Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You were trust falling into bushes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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