I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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