Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.