Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...