alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?