I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
