Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
