hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize