i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
