Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
