i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was confusing and full of hummus
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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