Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
