Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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