I just saw a hot homeless man
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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