Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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