Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They have beer where we have blood.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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