my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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