this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
