I just saw a hot homeless man
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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