But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Actions speak louder than pants.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
