"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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