Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
