normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He kissed a someone with a penis
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
