i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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