I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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