So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
