when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
