i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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