it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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