Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
