I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize