i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
