Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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