Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You made out with two different species that night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
