Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
