Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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