Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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