I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
