Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
