We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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