What a fucking waste of an outfit
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
