Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
