I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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