I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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