a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
