As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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