So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
