MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
