Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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