So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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