Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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