So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.