You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
