dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.