don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
