If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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