I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
