You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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