Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
