I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
