All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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