Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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